So here I am in Dallas, right? A big, beautiful, vibrant city where it\’s sunny and bright, tons to do, hot summers & warm & cozy falls, so much culture & diversity and full of opportunity. All of what I wanted in the city I lived in.
When I moved here it wasn\’t impulsive – it was a decision I prayed over, talked through with God, & held onto for over a year. I experienced lots of confirmation from God & heavy warfare from the enemy over this move. God was moving and the enemy was busy. And me… well I was obedient even when I didn\’t think this move would even happen. When I got through the things I went through before the move, I just knew my obedience would lead straight to breakthrough once I got here. I mean God really was making a way out of no way for me in the moving process. Instead, it led me straight into the wilderness.
I imagined opened doors, clarity, provision, & success. You know – what most of us imagine the physical realms \”Promised Land\” to be. What I ended up getting was silence, struggle, and survival. Lol, I have to laugh because this part of the promise surely wasn\’t on my vision board.
Now that I think about it, I do remember listening to a YT video about someone else\’s move & it had lots of hardship. I remember trying to talk myself into preparing for that outcome, but I was already in Lala land with all the great things I just knew were in store for us upon arrival. Like we would arrive & everything would line up. I mean, it did on the way here, so I truly believed that\’s what it would be. It was like, God, I endured so much to get here, I just KNOW this is going to be great. I had childlike faith.
Have I been blessed, yes absolutely. God is still a gracious God, but it surely doesn\’t look like what He told me or what I imagined. He skipped telling me this part. Lol. I\’m sure that, had I known I would go through what I\’m going through now, that I wouldn\’t have come.
I\’m currently sitting in my prayer closet after being on my knees, pleading & crying out to God asking: How do I trust the next promise when this one feels broken?
I know that God doesn\’t lie. I know He\’s faithful in all His promises. I know He is with me, even in the silence. But now I also know what it truly feels like to be let down, to obey & still feel abandoned. To walk in faith and still feel lost. I jokingly tell myself that I sound like David in the Psalms. I say jokingly because I don\’t think I could ever endure the things David did. But for me & what I\’m facing, sometimes it FEELS that deep.
Maybe this wilderness isn\’t punishment. I\’ve surely had that thought, that I\’m being punished for something, but I don\’t believe that\’s the case. Its preparation. It\’s a place where spiritual growth is happening. A place where I\’m gaining more endurance for the next thing. This is the place where I learn to trust Him without the outcome I expected, but still having faith that His promises never return to Him void. This is the place where my faith becomes REAL.
The Lord told me that I would THRIVE here, and I\’m going to choose to believe it, because belief is a choice. I\’m going to make the decision right now to choose my Father. I don\’t have answers. But I\’m – We\’re still here. Still clinging, still showing up, and still believing, and that\’s enough for today.
If you\’re in the wilderness too, I see you. I\’m in it beside you, and I believe that there\’s purpose in this place – even if we can\’t see it yet.