This is my beginning: Faith, fear and a fresh start

I don\’t know who this is for – maybe it\’s just a space for me to release, to give shape to the feelings I carry instead of crying all the time. Maybe it\’s for someone navigating a season similar to the one I\’m currently trudging through, or maybe this will help me gain some clarity as I\’m navigating unfamiliar territory. If the subtle clues aren\’t enough, this season is tough. I know it won\’t always be or feel this way, but today, yesterday – who am I kidding, this year has been HARD!

I\’ve toyed at the idea of starting a blog a time or two before, but this morning the idea was loud, so loud that this time, I\’m here – right now. Not knowing where this is going to go or if anyone is going to actually read it. Very impromptu & not polished at all. Just me laying in a robe, in my bed, at 10:13pm typing away at my laptop instead of writing this in my journal. There\’s something nostalgic about this scene. I\’m feeling like a journalist of some sort. A beauty editor for a magazine maybe. SPOILER ALERT: If I continue on, there will be beauty talk as that has been my passion and career background for quite some time now.

The uncertainty of my life right now is what prompted me to write. I just moved to a new state a couple of months ago (Cincinnati, Ohio to Dallas, Texas), completely on faith and on a word God had given me. We talked about it for some time, (God & I) but when it actually came time to go, it felt very SUDDEN. Sold most of my furniture, rented a Uhaul for what remained and got on the road to Texas. That\’s a very short version of a long story, maybe I\’ll talk about it more later. Anyway, I\’m here in Dallas, no car, a part time job, a tween daughter here with me & a semi adult daughter away in college, odds seemingly stacked completely against me. My faith reminds me that there are blessings on the other side of my obedience. I\’m starting over, starting new at the big grown age of 39. While pretty scary, it\’s also kind of exciting.

I\’m clinging to God. That\’s the only reason I\’m still standing. If I\’m being completely honest, even clinging to the Father is hard because I lowkey feel abandoned. I know that\’s not the case, because He will never leave me nor forsake me, but in my humanness…it surely feels that way a lot of the time. Can you relate? Some days I feel strong and filled with so much hope & then there\’s the days I feel like I\’m breaking and can\’t see the light at the end of the tunnel. But I continue to show up. God carries me on the days that I can\’t carry myself.

This intro post is getting pretty long, so I guess I\’ll wrap up here. If no one sees this it\’ll serve as a space for me to speak, to release. But if someone finds it & If you\’ve read this far, thank you for staying. I hope to be of some encouragement – to the person starting over, to the person navigating a rough time, to the mom who\’s at her wits end. Whoever. I pray that my future blogs encourage you as they will be encouraging me in real time.

I\’m here to share, to serve and to inspire. Even if I don\’t have all the answers. Even while I\’m still figuring it out. This is my beginning.